07/10/2014

突破戀愛框框

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  • Mei Ling

    Mei Ling

    廖吳美玲Mei Ling,做為電視真人騷《盛女愛作戰》幕後顧問一夜爆紅,因其經驗豐富,點評中肯直接,且手握優質筍盤無數,被譽為鑽石媒人,備受好評。其創立的香港婚姻介紹所Hong Kong Matchmakers。

    Mei Ling曾於紐約婚姻介紹學院就讀,成為美、德註冊婚配師,創立香港婚姻介紹所,有別於其他婚介所,Mei Ling所設門檻很高,專為香港單身高學歷人士作婚姻配對,創辦16年,成功撮合的高層男女不下數百對。

    Mei Ling曾於世界頂級大企業任要職,包括貿發局法蘭克福貿易顧問等。曾獲歐盟市場開拓及業務發展比賽冠軍,成為首位女性及華人獲得此殊榮。亦曾創立自己的時裝生意,在高峰時賣盤。

    著有《How to Find A Husband》。 Man Manual, Navigating Relationships

    鑽石媒人Mei Ling

  來訪的商人走到小鎮的一間銀行,表示要借貸一元,銀行職員聽後要求商人提供借貸抵押,此時,商人拿出一個載滿價值二百萬元股票及債券的行李箱出來,換取他的一元貸款後滿足地離去。銀行經理不明所意,故跟著商人身後問過究竟,「我尋遍各處都找不到一個安全又容量充足的儲存箱來保存這些價值不菲的文件……」突破慣常的框框,商人為自己找到一個最便宜又最安全的解決方法,真明智。

 

  另一個更不凡的故事或許是如何由一位前共產東德時期的鄉村科學家搖身一變成東西德統一後的德國首相。1990年德國統一後,Dr. Angela Merkel才剛剛踏足政壇,當時的首相Helmut Kohl政治正確地委任這位「無殺傷力」的東德人為婦女青年部部長。隨後的成就寫下歷史:「儘管牆上的磚塊已倒下,對我而言,最大的挑戰是要瓦解多年來,那些在我思想中屹立的高牆……」她在這方面的成就非凡。在2014年的5月28日,《福布斯》就把她形容為「世上最有影響力的女性」。

 

  不論男女,找不到終生對象的人總聲稱沒有機會或缺乏時間,可是,這些都只是藉口,並非原因。不開明的想法就是他們最大的阻力,例如「不要煙民,不要異地戀,不要外國人……」列出一張長長的清單,不過,誰說全部煙民都不是好丈夫?新加坡又算不算遠距離,與相愛的丈夫到那裏居住是否較獨居於香港更差?相較不同籍貫的中國人,與外國人之間的文化差異或許更少……毫無事實根據的抗拒感一旦植根,就會成為現況,成為「舒適圈」,遵循同一個思考方式重覆思考相對容易,因為突破需要太多的意志力、勇氣及堅持,當中還有不少的干擾來襲。

 

  不過,突破慣常的思維框框是重要並值得培養的技巧,它不只擴闊眼界,為我們帶來更多機會的同時,更會釋放我們累積多時的內心衝突,於心中注入平靜。更集中思考的同時,世界亦變得更大:對於無法忍受的事我們更會諒解;對於無法接受的事我們持更開放的態度;對於不可能的事我們更會想像其可能性。

 

  Benazir Bhutto生於富裕的家庭。在她成為總理之前,她是拉德克利夫學院、牛津大學、哈佛大學的優異生。她曾被監禁於巴基斯坦的牢獄之中,在那裏死亡並不是最令人懼怕。失去陽光與水,糞便與死屍的惡臭難當,爬過她身旁的是蟑螂、跳蚤及老鼠……她有整整五年的時間在這個人間地獄中度過。她是如何支撑下來?「我需要快速學習如何跳出自己慣常的框框,並重整自己的思維……」Bhutto在她獲釋後的訪問中回答。如果她惦念著舊日公主般的生活度日,她只會為自己加添痛苦,延續困境。放下這種沉重的想法,Bhutto放下了那些令人難以承受,讓她喪失理智陷入瘋狂的內心衝突。相反地,Bhutto發揮出她堅毅不撓的意志,把難以克服的難關轉化為力量。她不只生存下來,她於第二次選舉中成為了勝利者。

 

  透過教育我們學會晶體智力(Crystallized intelligence);通過人生的歷練,我們得到流體智力(Fluid intelligence),一種啟發思維力量的能力。上述的非凡者就同時擁有這兩種智力。兩種者之間,不論你有沒有前者,我們但願你擁有後者:只有放下那些封閉思想的負擔,你才能覓得你所想。

 

   (按:中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本)

 

Think Outside Your Box

 

  A visiting businessman went into a small town bank and asked for a one dollar loan. The clerk requested a collateral, whereupon he produced a suitcase of stocks and bonds worth 2 million dollars, got his one dollar loan and walked away a happy man. Baffled, the manager ran after him to ask WHY? , “I looked everywhere and couldn’t find a safe deposit box large enough for all my valuable documents …” By thinking outside the box, he found himself the cheapest and safest solution. Brilliant. 

 

  How a village scientist from former communist East Germany became Chancellor of reunified Germany is perhaps an even more remarkable story. Dr. Angela Merkel entered politics only after the reunification in 1990, when Chancellor Helmut Kohl, politically correct, appointed a “harmless” token East German as the Minister for Women and Youth in 1991. The rest is history. “The walls of bricks came down, but the biggest challenge for me was to demolish the walls of thoughts I had built up in my head all these years…”. This she succeeded famously. On 28th May 2014, Forbes named her   ” the most powerful woman in the world”. 

 

  Men and women who cannot find life partners often claim to have no opportunities or no time – but these are excuses, not reasons. The common deterrent is their own restrictive thinking. Examples: “No  smokers… No long distance relationships…No foreigners… ”  the list continues…But who is to say that all smokers are bad husbands ? .. Singapore would be  ‘long distance’ , is living there with a loving husband so much worse than living in Hong Kong alone ? The cultural differences with a foreigner might well be less than that with some Chinese from other provinces… Once these unfounded rejections are firmly rooted, they become a status quo , a “comfort zone”, it’s then easier to follow the same thought pattern over and over again because breaking away requires too much will power, courage and tenacity and few would bother. 

 

  However, the ability to think outside one’s box is an essential skill worth cultivating not only because it opens up horizons bringing more opportunities, it releases accumulative tension, puts one at peace with the inner self. When thinking becomes more focused, the world becomes larger, the intolerable becomes more tolerable, the unacceptable becomes more acceptable, and the impossible becomes quite possible. 

 

  Benazir Bhutto grew up in an affluent family. She graduated cum laude from Radcliffe, Oxford and Harvard before becoming Prime Minister. This lady was then thrown into a Pakistani jail, where death was definitively not the worst that could happen. With neither sunlight nor water, amidst the insufferable stench of excrement and corpses, with cockroaches, fleas and rats habitually crawling all over her… she spent five long years in this living hell !  Asked how she managed to survive ? “ I had to learn quickly how to jump out of my box and re-structure my own thinking …” said Bhutto in an interview after her release. Had she continued reminding herself of what a princess she really was, she would only have intensified her own pain and perpetuated her plight. By relieving herself of the burden of such thoughts, Bhutto released the unbearable tension that could so easily have turned her sanity into madness. Instead she gave free rein to her ferocious spirit and palpable tenacity, turning insurmountable challenges into strength. She did not only survive, she prevailed and returned for a second election ! 

 

  Crystallized intelligence is what one learns through formal education . Fluid intelligence is what one learns from life, the ability to liberate the power of the mind . The common thread among all these heroes is that they possess both. Regardless of the former, we  wish you the latter – for it’s only after you have released the burden of inhibiting thoughts that you would find  what you seek.

 

 

 《經濟通》所刊的署名及/或不署名文章,相關內容屬作者個人意見,並不代表《經濟通》立場,《經濟通》所扮演的角色是提供一個自由言論平台。

《說說心理話》 消費能獲取快樂?買不起,不如花光錢錢$$?「習得性無助」有何影響?一起看看正確理財觀念。► 即睇

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