2012-12-12
避免機械呆板的電郵
同事A待人以誠,親切有禮,卻經常給老闆責罵其電郵語氣硬倔、機械呆板,似在命令人幹東幹西。A不明所以,給我看了封電郵,大家參詳參詳:
Dear Mr Chan
I am writing to ask you when we could talk about our presentation to ABC Company which would be held on the coming Friday at 9am. I am available this afternoon and tomorrow morning (10-11am), I would be grateful if you could let me know when you are free.
Look forward to your reply. Thank you.
Best regards
A
電郵看似普通不過,文法全對、措辭用字亦為商務通訊常見,所以A不明問題所在。
“I am writing to”、“I would be grateful if”、“Look forward to your reply.”等字眼確是常見於商務通訊,問題是A濫用這些傳統措辭,令電郵看起來刻板公式。
加上A明明已經與老闆共事好幾個月,平日以英文名互相稱呼,電郵卻用Mr Chan,使原本經已夠機械的電郵更冷淡、無人情味(impersonal)。這封電郵既欠personal style,亦缺乏personal touch。
A行文過於自我中心,經常用I,更提出自己只有兩小段時間空閒,似乎一定要老闆在這兩段時間抽空傾談。假如老闆該兩段時間就是無暇,討論是否作罷﹖另外,時間本已緊迫,A強調coming,老闆自然覺得被催促。
“I am writing to ask you when”及“let me know”以I出發之餘,亦太過直接,應該就是這兩句令老闆覺得A在命令他。
可以多從讀者角度出發,讓老闆決定會面時間,例如這樣寫:
Dear Chris,
I have prepared the PowerPoint for our presentation at ABC Company on Friday. I wonder if we could meet and talk about it at a time convenient for you.
Best regards
A
撰寫電郵時,可以適量適當運用傳統商務通訊措辭,多注意讀者觀感。臨近聖誕,不妨在結尾加句Merry Christmas,更顯親切。
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