很多人都喜歡在新年開始時列出「新年大計」，事實上在年終時作「自我評估」，審視一下過去一年的成敗，相信比「新年大計」幫助更大，後者將前者變得更有意義。又到12月了，單身的你是時候再作反省，找出仍是單身的原因。

 

　　早前我們發了通報給300位單身女士，通知她們我們將會為100位單身男士進行一項深入的調查，更邀請她們提出問題，結果所收集回來的問題，卻是稀少兼膚淺，例如「你會用甚麼方法討好我？」、「你會怎樣令我發笑？」、「如果你送手錶給我，你會買甚麼品牌？」，收到這類問題，的確覺得極度失望。

 

　　道求職者會無興趣知道僱主要找甚麼人選嗎？難道想尋覓新客戶的營業者會對客戶的業務不感興趣嗎？那麼為何這些想尋找伴侶的女士們竟然會對了解男士的主題，反應這樣膚淺冷淡？自己身為母親，我不期然在想，是否我們現世代的父母，在無意下過份縱容子女，在推動她們建立自信時實已「過火」，導致今天許多染上「公主病」的港女，滿腦子大計，非常自我，情緒智商超低，只懂追求收穫，不懂付出。

 

　　對我們來說，2012年是極棒的一年，我們成功撮合了許多對情侶，他們的幸福快樂真令人鼓舞。美中不足的當然是其中某些失敗個案……與其自傷自嘲自憐，倒不如看看以下我所列出單身女士所犯最普遍的毛病，從中學習，避免重蹈覆轍。

 

不夠正面

 

　　每件事情總有兩邊，好事多降臨在比較正面、樂觀的人身上，而倒霉的事多降臨在比較負面、悲觀的人身上。我們從紀錄看得很清晰，接受現實，態度正面者多數成功；態度負面者因忙於抱怨運氣、譴責公司、挑剔男士、責備社會、申訴世界及主耶穌….多半不會成功。不單是去年，就是明年、後年也將會繼續失敗。

 

不願承擔

 

　　有些女士會以「你夠資格高攀我嗎？」的態度去赴約，期待對方拿出渾身招數來追求她們。有些女士則「以退為進」以為扮Cool扮高竇，便會激發男士猛烈的追求，這些態度既無知又愚蠢。首先要明白如果沒有多次約會，豈能與對方建立關係？如第一次約會表現糟糕，豈有下次？而第一次約會欠佳，事實上你要負上一半責任！既是如此，明智之舉則應該不怨天不尤人，不讓別人支配你的命運，承擔責任，每次赴約都付出最大努力，令第一次和以後的約會完滿。

 

不夠全面

 

　　有些人赴約時會帶著「查貨」的心態，堅決要找出對方不夠完美之處，如何配不起她們，同時卻忘記了自己也絕非完美。除了批評別人的不是，試學習去欣賞別人的長處。除了專心於別人與你的差異，試尋找雙方共鳴之處。切勿急促下判斷，保持公平全面的態度。切記你找的是老公，不是男友，兩者分別切勿混淆。

 

不夠實際

 

　　美國總統甘迺迪(John F. Kennedy)夫人賈姬‧甘迺迪(Jacqueline Bouvier)，在她的人生中曾有3位伴侶。最後一位莫里斯‧蒂姆佩爾斯曼(Maurice Tempelsman) 樣貌呆笨，絕不能配得上賈姬夫人的端莊氣質；他既沒有甘迺迪的英俊面孔，更沒有亞里士多德‧歐納西斯(Ari Onassis)的衝鋒氣概，但他有明暸別人的優點、穩重而冷靜沉著的特質，賈姬•甘迺迪與他一起時感到非常安寧。

 

　　明智就是清楚知道及接受自己處身於人生的哪個階段，以實際態度尋求自己所「需要」而非「想要」。如果你繼續發夢，特別是三、四十歲人到中年時，還以為有一天會遇到白馬王子，那便是不夠實際。

 

　　大家要明白思想驅使我們行動，而行動自然會產生結果。不切實際的期望和負面態度都是不正確的思維，更會衍生出不良的結果。2012年就快完結，希望大家快點清除不正確的負面思維，改進自己，為自己尋求幸福。

 

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

  

Year End Assessment

  

　　People habitually make “New Year Resolutions” at the beginning of each year when a self assessment at the end of each bygone year would probably be more useful - the latter simply renders the former more effective. This being December again, perhaps we should reflect and try to find out the real reasons why we are still single.

 

　　We sent out a circular earlier to 300 single women informing them about our book research with 100 men and invited them to contribute questions. The collective response was poor, questions posted were scant and shallow. " What would you do to please me?" " How do you make me laugh?..." “ If you were to buy me a watch, which brand would you choose ? ” ... It was truly disappointing.

 

　　Wouldn’t job seekers want to know what the employers are looking for ? Wouldn’t salesmen pitching new clients like to know more about their businesses ? So why wouldn’t these women want to know what the men want ??!!! As a mother myself, I can’t help wondering if this isn’t the generation of monsters we parents have inadvertently created by having over-indulged our children, over-built their self esteem, so they now mutate into a cohort of self centered princesses with little EQ and big ideas of getting their own way without figuring out how to give in order to get.

 

　　2012 has been an amazing year for us as we have successfully matched many couples who are now deliriously happy. Unfortunately, there were also ladies with whom we tried very hard and failed. Instead of weeping in our soup, let’s try to identify common mistakes and learn from them :

 

Not Being Positive

 

　　Positive things happen to positive people and negative things happen to negative people. We see time and again, how those who take responsibility of creating their own reality and work on improving their attitudes win. Whereas the negative ones who keep on blaming bad luck, the men, the job, the society, the world and god will continue to fail - last year, this year & the next.

 

Not Being Accountable

 

　　Some women go on a date with this “Are you good enough for me ?” attitude, expecting to be wooed off their feet. Others mistakenly assume that acting cool and nonchalant would entice the men to run after them in hot pursuit. Unfathomable stupidity. Understand that there can be no relationship without repeat dates, there aren’t repeat dates if the first wasn’t good, and if the first wasn’t good, 50% of the responsibility lies with you ! So why relinquish & wait for others to shape your destiny ? Be accountable, contribute, and work darn hard to make the first date & repeat dates wonderful.

 

Not Being Holistic

 

　　Some people are hell bent on fault finding and try hard to justify why these matches aren’t perfect when they themselves are far from being perfect. Learn to count not only faults, but also merits; not only differences, but also similarities. Do not hasten to judge, and be fair if you must – be holistic in your approach, step back and look at the big picture. Above all , understand you are looking for a husband and not a boyfriend and be intelligent enough to differentiate the two.

 

Not Being Realistic

 

　　Jacqueline Bouvier had three life partners. The last one Maurice Tempelsman was colorless and as unprepossessing as Jackie was captivating. He did not have the dash of a Jack Kennedy or the flash of Ari Onassis, but he offered understanding, stability and serenity. She was at peace with him.

 

　　To acknowledge your stage of life and correctly identify your needs as versus your wants is being realistic. To continue dreaming of the White Knight descending upon you in full glory is unrealistic, especially when you are already in your mid 30s, 40s or above.

 

　　Understand that thoughts lead us to actions which lead to results. Unrealistic expectations & negative attitudes are wrong thoughts, bringing wrong results. With 2012 coming to a close, let’s clear the cobwebs of wrong thoughts, make room for positive new ones, hence leading us to positive results.

 

 

 《經濟通》所刊的署名及／或不署名文章，相關內容屬作者個人意見，並不代表《經濟通》立場，《經濟通》所扮演的角色是提供一個自由言論平台。

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