有人天生是演說家，這類人在眾人前演講的時候，有駕馭觀眾的能力，好像整個舞台屬於他一樣，而觀眾也被他的演講深深吸引著。另一方面，也有很多非常成功的人士並不擅長演講……

 

　　某些人，可以隨時隨地和任何人談笑風生，亦有些人，就算和陌生人談一兩句，都覺得痛苦萬分。這類人與陌生人談話時，腦海一片空白，聊了十分鐘便想不到新話題。當大家都沒有話題時，便會靜下來，氣氛尷尬，但又不知如何打破僵局，無計可施之下，唯有專注吃東西或「齋坐」了事。

 

　　若演講能力是先天優勢，那雄辯的演講力則靠後天積累。但要令陌生人覺得你講話有趣，又不會覺得你態度囂張或沉悶，又是另一回事。好的談話技巧，要善於觀察、學識廣博、咬字清晰準確也很重要，但不是做齊這些便可以。成功的談話，最重要的是態度客氣有禮、觸覺敏銳、說話有熱誠。如果你天生無以上特質，都可以靠後天培養訓練。而我亦強烈要求我的客人多做以上的練習，越會講話，就越能得到較好的約會效果，從而認識到質素較高的人，收穫愛情的機會就越大。

 

別喋喋不休

 

　　如果你講話好像摩打般講個不停，緊記要讓嘴巴休息一下。想戒掉喋喋不休的壞習慣，有三個重要法則；第一，當在別人談話時，切勿插嘴或騷擾別人。第二，你花多少時間講，就要花同樣時間聽別人說。第三，當別人分享他的故事之後，可以問一些有關的問題，表示你對別人的談話內容有興趣，千萬不要敷衍，然後急著提自己的豐功偉績。

 

顯示你對他人談話內容有興趣

 

　　與別人談話時，盡可能顯示你對對方所講的內容感興趣。每個人都有自己的故事，你可從對話中瞭解對方的經歷、工作、成功和失敗的地方，有甚麼快樂或痛苦，經歷了怎樣的生活等等……將自己代入對方的角色，問問自己，如果你是對方會如何處理，那自自然然便會有問題想問對方。

 

　　當你有問題時，與別人的話題便會伸展到不同的方向。有一次旅行，我在沙漠上騎駱駝，與拖著駱駝的男孩攀談起來。他非常親切友善，還帶我和同行的人到他的帳篷喝茶，他的爸爸還向我們展示從遊客那裏收集來的卡片。意想不到的是，我從那些卡片中，竟然找到我25年沒見的老朋友卡片！多談不同的話題，從中探索和學習，有可能帶你到意想不到的時空旅途中。

 

假裝感興趣

 

　　即使別人所講的內容很悶，你都要假裝自己沒被悶倒。千萬不要在別人面前顯得不耐煩。雖然你可能覺得這沒甚麼大不了，但對對方來說，聽者的反應是很重要的。

 

　　記住，對方在分享所見所聞時，別打斷他的說話，要大方讓對方講完想講的說話，才引導對方聊其他話題。你要知道，不是所有話題都是與你有關的，而你講的內容亦不是所有人都感興趣，最重要是互相寬容和尊重。

 

　　如果對方再繼續分享很沉悶的話題時，請忍耐一會兒，然後再和對方聊其他話題。切忌在對方面前打呵欠或翻白眼，這是不尊重人的行為。

 

別假裝學識廣博

 

　　遇到不明白的地方，不妨有禮貌地提出，讓對方再解釋。對方解釋時，要專注聆聽。如果你沒有類似經歷，別裝做感同身受。

 

　　此外，別問愚蠢的問題。如果你只是對對方，而不是對其談話內容有興趣，沒必要為了討好對方而裝出感興趣的樣子。

 

　　緊記，你一無所知和虛偽的行為最終會露出馬腳。大家最好聊聊雙方都感興趣的話題。記著，沒有甚麼比誠意更重要。

　　

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

 

What To Talk About On A Date ? (1)

 

　　Some people are natural orators, gifted public speakers who command presence, own the stage, and mesmerize the audience… and there are many highly successful people who are not. Some people can strike up an animated conversation with anybody, anywhere, anytime …Others find it painful making small talks with strangers, their minds go blank, they run out of conversations after 10 minutes, so they just concentrate on eating or simply sit there, embarrassed by the awkwardness of silence, yet not quite knowing what to do about it.

 

　　The ability to employ speech is a motor skill, the ability to employ speech eloquently is a learned skill, but the ability to engage in an interesting conversation with a total stranger without either emitting arrogance or drowning the other person in boredom is something else. Being well read, well informed and articulate will be helpful of course, but that’s certainly not all. The most crucial ingredients are in fact civility, sensitivity and compassion, personality traits which if not inherent, may be nurtured & cultivated – something we strongly urge our clients to do, not only because better conversationalists make better dates, they make better people, and better people get far better results.

 

Motor Mouth

 

　　If your mouth runs on batteries, be sure to give it a rest from time to time. The rule of thumb is to make sure you (a) do not interrupt other people’s conversation or cut short their narration in mid sentence, (b) spend as much time listening as you do talking, (c) ask follow up questions to their stories to show an interest, instead of brushing their tales abruptly aside and hurrying in full glory to tell your own.

 

Be Interested

 

　　Start by making a conscious effort to be interested in the other person and what he is trying to tell you. Everybody has a story, find out about his experience, his job, his success & failure, his pride and joy, his trial & tribulations, his feelings, his life… put yourself in his shoes, visualize yourself in his position, and questions will come automatically …when you have questions and answers, conversation will flow in all directions. We once took a camel ride through the desert & became friendly talking to the camel boy. He invited us back to his tent for tea, there his father showed us name cards of tourists he had carried …that’s how I got reconnected with a long lost friend I had not seen in 25 years… Expand on the natural dimensions of topics, vertically & horizontally… Explore, investigate and learn…these fascinating journeys may carry you further and wider than you had imagined possible.

 

Pretend

 

　　If the subject bores you, pretend not to be. Don’t feel obligated to show your boredom instantaneously - it may not be important to you, it is obviously important to him. Don’t cut people short; be gracious enough to allow him the perimeter to finish his story before you navigate the conversation away to another topic. Remember, live and let live, not everything has to be about you, and not everything you say is interesting. If he keeps coming back to the same boring subject again, just be charitable, you can guide him gently to another topic again without yawning & without rolling your eyeballs.

 

Don’t Pretend

 

　　Don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you don’t know or you don’t understand, ask politely for an explanation or elaboration and listen attentively. Do not say you know, you understand or you have had similar experiences when you don’t.

 

　　Don’t ask too many dumb questions. If you are interested in the person but not in the subject, do not pretend to have developed a sudden fondness for hydraulic engines for instance, when you know zilch about it. Your hypocrisy always shows through. Just navigate to another subject that you both enjoy – nothing beats sincerity.

 

 

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